The FULL njab and njap love story

Gentle njab
A Short Story
by woojoo
njab had always loved crowded a flipping atWar server with its skinny, shivering servers. It was a place where he felt jumpy.

He was a gentle, tactless, whiskey drinker with moist warts and red eyebrows. His friends saw him as a kindly, knotty knight. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a jealous deaf person. That's the sort of man he was.

njab walked over to the window and reflected on his cold surroundings. The drizzle rained like rampaging elephants.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of njap . njap was a controlling bear with curvaceous warts and curvy eyebrows.

njab gulped. He was not prepared for njap.

As njab stepped outside and njap came closer, he could see the hissing smile on his face.

"I am here because I want smex," njap bellowed, in a lovable tone. He slammed his fist against njab's chest, with the force of 464 donkeys. "I frigging love you, njab ."

njab looked back, even more cross and still fingering the silver guillotine. "njap, I love you," he replied.

They looked at each other with irritable feelings, like two brawny, blue-eyed bears shouting at a very brave birthday party, which had piano music playing in the background and two cute uncles sleeping to the beat.

njab regarded njap's curvaceous warts and curvy eyebrows. He held out his hand. "Let's not fight," he whispered, gently.

"Hmph," pondered njap.

"Please?" begged njab with puppy dog eyes.

njap looked sneezy, his body blushing like a racid, regurgitated rock.

Then njap came inside for a nice glass of whiskey.

THE END

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Unleashed the Chad and the Powerful Lion
A Fairy Tale
by Sir dickgence

Once upon a time there was a Brave boy called Unleashed the Chad. He was on the way to see his Best Buddy Garde Soylerrian, when he decided to take a short cut through Stinkville Forest.

It wasn't long before Unleashed got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, waffel, but waffel was nowhere to be found! Unleashed began to panic. He felt sure he had packed waffel. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a Powerful lion dressed in a red skirt disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Unleashed.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed lion. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Unleashed reached a clearing. In the clearing were two houses, one made from tomato and one made from pizza.

Unleashed could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Unleashed looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Unleashed a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was waffel!

"waffel!" shouted Unleashed. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give waffel back!" cried Unleashed.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let waffel out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, the Powerful lion in the red skirt rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the cleaning.

"Hello Big Lion," said the witch.

"Good morning." The lion noticed waffel. "Who is this?"

"That's waffel," explained the witch.

"Ooh! waffel would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the lion.

The witch shook her head. "waffel is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Unleashed interrupted. "waffel lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Lion ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Lion looked at the house made from pizza and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from pizza if I wanted to."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have waffel."

Unleashed watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give waffel to Big Lion. He didn't think waffel would like living with a Powerful lion, away from his house and all his other toys.

Big Lion put on his bib and withdraw a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Lion. "Just you watch!"

Big Lion pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from pizza. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Lion started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of pizza, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Lion.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Lion never finished eating the front door made from pizza and waffel remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep waffel."

"Not so fast," said Unleashed. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from tomato. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the lion. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Unleashed.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted waffel back."

Unleashed ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from tomato and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Unleashed sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Unleashed. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Unleashed's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from tomato. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Unleashed was down to the final piece of the door made from tomato. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Unleashed had eaten the entire front door of the house made from tomato.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over waffel or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Unleashed hurried over and grabbed waffel, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, waffel was unharmed.

Unleashed thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Garde. It was starting to get dark.

When Unleashed got to Garde's house, his Best Buddy threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Garde. "You are very late."

As Unleashed described his day, he could tell that Garde didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Garde.

Unleashed unwrapped a doorknob made from pizza. "Pudding!" he said.

Garde almost fell off his chair.

The End

Short story version


Powerful Unleashed the Chad
A Short Story
by Sir dickgence

Unleashed the Chad looked at the warped record in his hands and felt sad.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his soylent surroundings. He had always hated soyful Atwar with its faffdorking, freezing fields. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel sad.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Garde Soylirrian Smith. Garde was an admirable soyboy with big eyes and tall legs.

Unleashed gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a powerful, remarkable, whiskey drinker with vast eyes and wide legs. His friends saw him as an obedient, odd ogre. Once, he had even revived a dying, waffel.

But not even a powerful person who had once revived a dying, waffel, was prepared for what Garde had in store today.

The snow flurried like cooking foxes, making Unleashed calm.

As Unleashed stepped outside and Garde came closer, he could see the high smile on his face.

"I am here because I want a hug," Garde bellowed, in a smart tone. He slammed his fist against Unleashed's chest, with the force of 9067 guppies. "I frigging love you, Unleashed the Chad."

Unleashed looked back, even more calm and still fingering the warped record. "Garde, let's get married," he replied.

They looked at each other with lonely feelings, like two boiling, bitter badgers drinking at a very gracious funeral, which had jazz music playing in the background and two cowardly uncles thinking to the beat.

Suddenly, Garde lunged forward and tried to punch Unleashed in the face. Quickly, Unleashed grabbed the warped record and brought it down on Garde's skull.

Garde's big eyes trembled and his tall legs wobbled. He looked happy, his body raw like a sweaty, spitezabbling sausage.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Garde Soylirrian Smith was dead.

Unleashed the Chad went back inside and made himself a nice glass of whiskey.
THE END

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